Title:  No Place to Go

Reported in Parables, Etc. 15:12 (February 1996).

The announcement that the Clevleland Browns were moving to Baltimore after 30 years in Cleveland devastated many people. Among the many Browns fans interviewed, one man sat in his pickup truck and wept as he said, "Now me and my family will have no place to go on Sunday."

Title:  Church Attendance Demographics

(Heb. 10:25)

Weekly church attendance is higher in the United States than in most other developed nations, according to the World Values Survey conducted by the University of Michigan's Institute for Social Research.

Fully 44 percent of Americans attend church once a week, excluding funerals and christenings, compared with 27 percent of Britons, 21 percent of the French, 4 percent of Swedes, and 3 percent of Japanese. Not only do they go to church, but 53 percent of Americans say religion is very important in their lives, compared with just 16 percent of the British, 14 percent of the French, and 13 percent of Germans.

Ironically, American interest in religion runs counter to the trend seen in most developed countries, according to Ronald Inglehart, a researcher at the institute. "In general, the importance of religion has been declining in the developed world," he says, "while religion remains strong in countries experiencing economic stagnation and political uncertainty."

--Shelly Reese, American Demographics (August 1998)

Title:  Heads or Tails?

   You heard about the golfer named Jones who was twenty minutes late at the first tee one Sunday morning, and the other three members of the regular four-some were almost ready to drive off without him. "I agreed with my wife," explained Jones, "that this Sunday I'd toss a coin to see whether I played golf or went to church. Heads, I played golf. Tails, I went to church. And you know fellows, I had to toss that coin forty-three times before it came up heads."
 

Title:  A Meeting of the Board

   We say that God isn't impressed with large numbers and man shouldn't be depressed with small ones. And that's true. But it's a fact that a full sanctuary leaves a positive impact on the people in the pew as well as on the pastor in the pulpit. All of which says that when we are absent without good reason, everyone stands to lose.

   An item from a church newsletter makes this point in a unique way. It's entitled, Calling a Meeting of the Board: "The board of absentees will meet each time a service of the church is in session. They will discuss various ways of keeping attendance as low as possible. They will endeavor to see that there is no enthusiasm, and help to decrease the offerings. The board will also seek to weaken the pastor's influence, and plan various ways to hinder any revival efforts and all visitation programs in or by the church. The board of absentees is composed of the following members: Mr. I.M. Unconcerned, Mrs O.U. Hypocrite, Mr. and Mrs. U.R. Lazy, Mrs. C. Others, and Mr. I.M. Disgruntled, chairman."

See:  Heb 10:24-25; Heb 13:17

Title:  Someday

   I wish you folks would come to church,
   If only for a visit.
   For someday they will carry you in,
   And the Lord will say, "Who is it?"

See:  Heb 9:27

Title:  Church Members

   A lot of members are like wheelbarrows -- not good unless pushed.
   Some are like canoes -- need to be paddled.
   Some are like kites -- if a string isn't kept on them, they fly away.
   Some are like kittens -- more contented when petted.
   Some are like balloons -- full of wind and ready to blow up.
   Some are like footballs -- you can't tell which way they'll bounce next.
   Some are like trailers -- they have to be pulled.
   Some are like neon lights -- they keep going on and off.
   Many, thank goodness, are like the North Star -- there when you need them, dependable and ever loyal."

See:  Phil 1:27

Title:  Complaining

   During one service I was complaining to the Lord about the lack of attendance: "Lord, attendance is just not what I'd like it to be."
   This was the Lord's response: "My son, attendance is not what I'd like it to be in heaven.
   That was the last time I complained to the Lord about lack of attendance.

   -- Harvey Koelner, Ft Lauderdale, FL, Leadership/89, Summer, p. 42.

See:  2 Pet 3:9
 

Title:  Two Categories

   Reasons for attending church fall into two categories -- good and bad.
   In the bad column are these: Attending is socially acceptable. God is angry if I don't. Going merits His favor. I feel better. Such  motivations dishonor God, and some are the devil's lies.
   In the good column are these reasons: God's Word commands it. I need Christian fellowship. Others need my encouragement. I can hear the Word. I can meet God.
   A story might help to explain. One day the telephone rang in the rector's office of the Washington church attended by the President. An eager voice said, "Tell me, do you expect the President to be there Sunday?" "That I cannot promise," the rector said patiently. "But we do expect God, and we fancy it will be incentive enough for a reasonably large attendance.

See:  Heb 10:24-25

Title:  11 Excuses

   The reasons why I'm giving up sports: football in the fall, baseball in the summer, basketball in the winter. I've had it all. I quit attending sports once and for all, and here are my 11 excuses:

   1. Every time I went, they asked for money.
   2. The people I sat next to didn't seem friendly.
   3. The seats were too hard and not comfortable at all.
   4. I went to many games but the coach never came to call on me.
   5. The referees made decisions that I couldn't agree with.
   6. The game went into overtime and I was late getting home.
   7. The band played numbers I'd never heard before and it wasn't my style of music.
   8. It seems the games are always scheduled when I want to do other things.
   9. I suspect that I was sitting next to some hypocrites.
        They came to see their friends and they talked during the whole game.
   10. I was taken to too many games by my parents when I was growing up.
   11. I hate to wait in the traffic jam in the parking lot after the game.

See:  Heb 10:25

Title:  Attendance at McDonalds

   Do you have a problem with attendance? It is the matter of getting people to show up at the services. How is this for a positive? There are 22,000,000 persons who show up each day at McDonalds. They never give up on giving you a reason for being at their place. Probably the most clever and innovative advertising in the secular world is found at McDonalds. Their promotions are creative.

See:  Luke 16:8

Title:  A New Year's Letter

   Dear Pastor:

   You often stress attendance at worship as being very important for a Christian, but I think a person has a right to miss now and then. I think every person ought to be excused for the following reasons and the number of times indicated:

      Christmas (Sunday before or after)
      New Year (Party lasted too long)
      Easter (Get away for holidays)
      July 4 (National holiday)
      Labor Day (Need to get away)
      Memorial Day (Visit hometown)
      School Closing (Kids need break)
      School Opens (One last fling)
      Family Reunions (Mine & wife's)
      Sleep late (Saturday night activities)
      Deaths in Family
      Anniversary (Second honeymoon)
      Sickness (One per family member)
      Business Trips (A must)
      Vacation (Three weeks)
      Bad Weather (Ice, snow, rain, clouds)
      Ball games
      Unexpected Company (Can't walk out)
      Time changes (Spring ahead; fall back)
      Special on TV (Super Bowl, etc.)

   Pastor, that leaves only two Sundays per year. So, you can count on us to be in church on the fourth Sunday in February and the third Sunday in August unless providentially hindered.

   Sincerely,
   A Faithful Member

See:  Heb 10:25

Title:  Choosing Sides

   A little old man was seen every Sunday morning walking to church. He was deaf, so he could not hear a word of the sermon or the music of the choir, or the hymns sung by the congregation.
   A scoffer asked, "Why do you spend your Sundays in that church when you can't hear a word?"
   He replied, "I want my neighbors to know which side I'm on!"

See:  Josh 24:15

Title:  Eyes of the Beholder

   It was almost time to leave for church. I was watching the clock, but my husband was restless. He wandered in and out of the room several times, noting my progress at getting ready. He went out and started the car to let it warm up. Then he came back and stood at the door, watching me put the finishing touches on my makeup.
   "You look nice," he said with finality. "But you'd look nicer in the car!"

   -- Anita Heistand, Galena, KS, The Christian Herald, June 1989.

Title:  No Excuse Sunday

   To make it possible for everyone to attend church next Sunday, we are going to have a special "No Excuse Sunday." Cots will be placed in the foyer for those who say, "Sunday is my only day to sleep in." Murine will be available for those with tired eyes... from watching television too late on Saturday night. We will have steel helmets for those who say, "The roof would cave in if I ever came to church." Blankets will be provided for those who think the church is too cold, and fans for those who think the church is too hot. We will have hearing aids for those who say, "The Pastor speaks too softly," and cotton for those who say he preaches too loudly. Score cards will be available for those who wish to list the hypocrites present. Some relatives will be in attendance for those who like to go visiting on Sunday. There will be 100 T.V. dinners for those who cannot go to church and cook dinner also. One section will be devoted to trees and grass for those who like to seek God in nature. Finally, the sanctuary will be decorated with both Christmas poinsettias and Easter lilies for those who have never seen the church without them.
   Just suppose the Lord would begin tomorrow to make people as sick as they claim to be on Sunday. Just suppose the Lord would take away the child whom the parents use as an excuse for staying away from church. Some things sound humorous, but they are serious! What is your excuse for not attending the House of the Lord? See you next Sunday!

See:  Luke 14:16-20

Title:  The Missing Lamps

   In a certain mountain village in Europe several centuries ago, a nobleman wondered what legacy he should leave to his townspeople. At last he decided to build them a church.
   No one saw the complete plans for the church until it was finished. When the people gathered, they marveled at its beauty and completeness. Then someone asked, "But where are the lamps? How will it be lighted?"
   The nobleman pointed to some brackets in the walls. Then he gave to each family a lamp which they were to bring with them each time they came to worship.
   "Each time you are here the area where you are seated will be lighted," the nobleman said. "Each time you are not here, that area will be dark. This is to remind you that whenever you fail to come to church, some part of God's house will be dark."

   -- Church Bulletin Bits

See:  1 Cor 12:12; 1 Cor 12:27-28

Title:  Admission

   A typical American family was driving home from church one Sunday. Dad was fussing about the sermon being too long and sort of boring. Mom said she thought the organist played too loudly during the second hymn they sang. Sis, who was a music major in college, said she thought the soloist sang about a half note off key during most of her song. Grandma said she couldn't hear very well -- since they were sitting toward the back. As they pulled in the driveway, little Willie, who had listened to all of this, started to fuss about the woman who sat in front of him with that big hat. Then he paused, nudged his dad, and said, "But, Dad, you gotta admit, it was a pretty good show for a nickel."
   Ouch!
   To more people than we would dare admit, attending church is a lot like watching a show. The better the entertainment, the more they enjoy coming. But the less they like what they see and hear, the more they grumble and complain. Let the "show" get really bad, and there's no way most people are going to see it through. Yet, we've got to admit that the "price of admission" is still pretty hard to beat. Compared to what the public is willing to pay for live theater or a professional ball game, it's still "a pretty good show for a nickel."

   -- Charles Swindoll

See:  1 Cor 10:10

Title:  Conveying Christian Values

 1. Acknowledge that your child is a gift from God (see Ps 127:3).
 2. Dedicate your child to the Lord to be used in his service (see 1 Sam. 1:11).
 3. Make a personal commitment to God to grow as a Christian parent.
 4. Identify your values and convey these values consistently in your behavior.
 5. Express to your children love and acceptance.
 6. View discipline as an ongoing process of helping your children ultimately to become self-controlled and self-disciplined.
 7. Pray daily for each member of your family.
 8. Maintain family worship and Bible study in your home.
 9. Involve all family members in church activities.
 10. Participate in events your church will offer to help you grow as a Christian parent. Be imitators of God as beloved children. And walk in love, as Christ loves us.

See:  Josh 24:15

Title:  No Decision to Make

   The late J. Edgar Hoover was once asked, "Should I make my child go to Sunday school and church?" His reply was both Scriptural and practical. "Yes," said the former head of the FBI, "you certainly should, and with no further discussion about the matter. You may be startled by my answer, but what do you say to Junior when he comes to breakfast on Monday morning and announces he isn't going to school anymore? You know! He goes! How do you answer him when he comes home covered with mud and says, 'I'm not going to take a bath.' Junior bathes, doesn't he? Why all this timidity, then, in the realm of spiritual guidance and growth? You say you're going to let him wait and decide what church he wants to go to when he is old enough? Quit your kidding! You wouldn't wait until he's grown up to choose whether he wishes to be clean or dirty, would you? Do you let him decide for himself whether to take medicine when he's sick? Do you? How shall we respond, then, when Junior says he doesn't want to go to Sunday school and church? That's easy! Just be consistent. Tell him, 'Son, in our house we ALL go to Sunday school and church, and that includes you!' Your firmness and example will furnish a bridge over which youthful rebellion will then travel into many rich and satisfying spiritual experiences."

See:  Josh 24:15; Prov 22:6

Title:  Baby Boy

   Near a church in Kansas, there can be seen in a cement sidewalk the prints of two baby feet with the toes pointing toward the Church. It was said that 20 years ago, when the sidewalk was being laid, a mother secured permission to stand her baby boy on the wet cement. The tracks are seen today plainly. The Mother had wanted her little boy to start aright.

See:  Prov 22:6

Title:  God will be there

   One Christmas Eve the telephone rang in the office of the pastor of the church in Washington, D.C. that President Franklin Roosevelt attended. "Tell me Reverend," the voice inquired, "are you holding a Christmas Eve service tonight?" When advised that there would certainly be a service that evening, the caller asked, "And do you expect President Roosevelt to attend your church tonight?" "That," explained the Pastor patiently, "I can't promise. I'm not sure about the President's plans for this evening. But I can say that we fully expect God to be in our church tonight, and we feel secure in the knowledge that His attendance will attract a reasonably large congregation."

See:  Psa 14:2; Psa 53:2; Psa 75:1; Acts 14:15

Title:  Excuses, Excuses

   In summertime it is too hot, in winter it's too cold;
   In Spring and Fall when the weather's nice there's some place else
      to go --
   Either to the mountains or to the beach, or visit some old friend;
   Or stay at home and hope that some of the relatives will drop in.
   A headache every Sunday morn, and a backache Sunday night;
   But by the time on Monday you're feeling quite all right.
   But maybe some of the children had a cold -- Pneumonia, you
      suppose --
   So all the family had to stay at home -- and blow the poor child's
      nose!
   Excuses, excuses; you'll hear them every day
   The devil will supply you, if from Church you'll stay away.
   When people come to know the Lord, the devil always loses,
   And so to keep them from the Church he offers them EXCUSES!!!

   -- Kingsmen Quartet

See:  Heb 3:12-13; Heb 10:23-25

Title:  Statistics

   The late Roland Q. Leavell in his book, Evangelism: Christ's Imperative Commission, stated that of all the reported Church members:
    5 per cent do not exist,
   10 per cent cannot be found,
   20 per cent never pray,
   25 per cent never read the Bible,
   30 per cent never attend Church services,
   40 per cent never give any money to the church,
   50 per cent never go to Sunday School,
   60 per cent never go to Church Sunday night,
   70 per cent never give to missions,
   80 per cent never go to prayer meeting,
   90 per cent never have family worship, and
   95 per cent never win a soul to Christ.
   If these statistics are correct, they simply mean that as far as evangelism is concerned only 5 per cent of the Church members are obedient to Christ. In my experience I would judge that this figure is actually high.

See:  1 Cor 9:16; 2 Tim 4:1-2; 2 Tim 4:10-11

Title:  Flattery of Men

   The following true story is from the life of Louis XIV of France: One Sunday when he and his royal party arrived at church, no one was there except Archbishop Fenelon, the court preacher. Surprised to see all the vacant seats, the King inquired, "Where is everybody?" Why isn't anyone else present this morning?" The minister answered "I announced that Your Majesty would not be here today, because I wanted you to see who came to the service just to flatter you and who came to worship God."
   Most people do not have opportunities to be in meetings where such dignitaries are in attendance. Yet many of them go to church for reasons other than communing with the Lord, enjoying Christian fellowship, and being instructed from the Word. They may not be there to impress royalty, but their motives for coming are just as vain and selfish. Some think it's good for business or that it enhances their social standing. Others put in an appearance to display their piety, and some merely attend out of a sense of duty. But not one of these actions truly brings honor to God.

See:  Psa 12:2-3; Psa 24:3-5; Matt 15:8-9; 1 Thes 2:5-6; Jude 1:14-16

Title:  Staying Away from Church

    To stay away from church services because we have so many other engagements and so little strength left is like staying away from the table because we are so weak and hungry, and it takes all our time to sweep and wash dishes.  The church is the place to get spiritual strength for other duties, just as the table is the place to get bokily strength.

- The Christian Endeavor World

Title:  An Indian Church Goer

   An Indian in his preparation for the Sabbath Day services said he made his body very clean from head to foot, and then, instead of laughing and chatting idly with his friends - to use his own words, - "I sit down and think Jesus until it is time to go."  How many of us "think Jesus" just before church time?

- Home Mission Echoes

Title:  Don't Stay Away From Church

Because you are poor.  There is no admission charge. Because you are rich.  We can help cure that. Because it rains.  You go to work in the rain. Because it is hot.  It's hot at your house, too. Because it is cold.  It's warm and friendly inside. Because no one invited you.  People go to the movies without being begged. Because you have little children.  What if you didn't have them any longer?  We have a well-supervised nursery. Because you don't like the preacher.  He's human like you. Because your job makes you tired.  You may lose your job. Because there are hypocrites.  You associate with them daily. Because you have company.  They will admire your loyalty if you bring them along.  Or tell them to wait until you get back. Because you need a little weekend vacation occasionally.  If your soul takes a vacation from
   God, it's not good. Because your clothes are not expensive.  Our church isn't supposed to be a fashion show anyway. Because our church standard is too high.  Take a look at the Bible standard if yo think ours is high! Because the church always wants money.  So does your grocer.

- Author Unknown

Title:  Psalm 23 for church attendance

Recreation is my shepherd, I shall not stay at home;
It maketh me to lie down in a sleeping bag;
It leadeth me down the interstate each weekend.

It restoreth my suntan;
It leadeth me to state parks for comfort's sake.
Even though I stray on the Lord's Day,
I will fear no reprimand, for I am relaxed;
My rod and reel they comfort me.

I annointed my skin with oil,
My gas tank runneth dry;
Surely my trailer shall follow me all the weekends of summer,
And I shall return to the house of the Lord this fall.
But by then, it will be hunting season and football season,
And that's another psalm.

- Copied

Title:  Keeps Me Going

   An elderly grandmother had to go to work in spite of arthritis and advancing years.  She worked as charwoman in a big city hotel, on the job at the stroke of six every morning,.  Said a guest to her one day, "So you wash this floor six mornings a week?"  Then he added, "Well, at least on Sunday morning you can sleep in.  I hope you get plenty of rest that day."
   The grandmother looked at him with a smile.  "No, that's the morning I get up early, too, to take my grandchildren to church."
   The stranger paused, "Wouldn't it help you to keep going if you slept in that one morning a week?"
   The elderly lady leaned back on her knees, her red hands in the pail of water beside her, "Oh, it's going to church on Sundays that keeps me going the other six days of the week!

Title:  The Side I'm On

   Every Sunday morning without fail an elderly man could be seen walking to church.  Everyone in the block knew he was deaf, unable to hear a word of the congregational hymns, the choir music, or the sermon.  A cynical neighbor wrote him a note, "Why do you spend your Sundays in church when you can't hear a word?"
   He answered, "I want my neighbors to know which side I'm on!"

Title:  Finding the right crowd

   A man had been looking for a good church to attend, and he happened into a small one in which the congregation was reading with the minister.  They were repeating:
   "We have left undone those things which we ought to have done and we have done those things which we ought not to have done."
   The man dropped into a seat and sighed with relief, "I've found my crowd at last."

Title:  Staying Away from Church

    To stay away from church services because we have so many other engagements and so little strength left is like staying away from the table because we are so weak and hungry, and it takes all our time to sweep and wash dishes.  The church is the place to get spiritual strength for other duties, just as the table is the place to get bokily strength.

- The Christian Endeavor World

Title:  An Indian Church Goer

   An Indian in his preparation for the Sabbath Day services said he made his body very clean from head to foot, and then, instead of laughing and chatting idly with his friends - to use his own words, - "I sit down and think Jesus until it is time to go."  How many of us "think Jesus" just before church time?

- Home Mission Echoes

--