One Christmas, a parent decreed that she was no longer going to  remind her children of their thank-you note duties.

As a result their grandmother never received acknowledgments of the  generous checks she had given.

The next year things were different, however.

"The children came over in person to thank me," the grandparent told a friend triumphantly.

"How wonderful!" the friend exclaimed.  "What do you think caused the change in behavior?"

"Oh, that's easy," the grandmother replied.  "This year I didn't sign the checks."


From Pastor Tim's CleanLaugh List
 

Title: The Nativity Scene

    After hearing the Christmas story, and singing "Silent Night" a Sunday School Class in Sao Paulo was asked to draw what they thought the Nativity Scene might have looked like.  One boy did a good likeness of Joseph, Mary and the infant, but off to the side was a plump roly-poly figure.

    The teacher, afraid that he had somehow worked Santa Claus into the scene asked him who that was.  She wasn't sure whether she was relieved or even more worried when the boy responded, "Oh, that's Round John Virgin."

From carrigan
 

Title: Christmas Too Commercial

Signs Christmas is Too Commercial

15. You don't recall that line from It's A Wonderful Life saying, "Every time a cash register rings, a customer enjoys never-before year-end savings at Try-N-Save!"

14. Salad Shooter in hand, Michael Jordan shows up as the honorary "4th wise man" in new nativity scenes.

13. The impossible-to-get "Tickle Me Jesus"

12. Santa's Coyote/Ford-powered sleigh came in second in this year's Indy 500.

11. Wise Men now arrive carrying Faux Gold, The Clapper and a Chia Pet.

10. WWF presents "Oh, Holy Night" Cage Match featuring The Three Wise Men against Santa, Super ELF and Reindeer Man!

9. Santa goes to Yankees in blockbuster trade for the slightly heavier Cecil Fielder.

8. Rudolph demands Holiday Pay or he walks.

7. Santa's North Pole operation announces a corporate downsizing amidst rumors that the Elf Division will be sold off to Keebler.

6. Reindeer rights purchase by Disney results in odd-sounding, "On Doc, on Happy, on Grumpy, on Sneezy.  Now Bashful, now Dopey, now Eisner and Sleepy."

5. $, the holiday formerly known as Christmas

4. Rather large Nike logo emblazoned across His Holiness's pointy hat during Midnight Mass at St. Peter's.

3. Your kid makes a fortune trading in "Elmo futures."

2. Michael Jackson buys all rights to the phrase "Ho, Ho, Ho" -- an injunction limits Santa to "a bemused facial expression and laughter not exceeding two syllables."

1. The Baby GAP's line of Swaddling Clothes(TM)

This list copyright 1996 by Chris White and Ziff-Davis
The Top Five List  www.topfive.com
 

Title: Blessing God

Ah, dearest Jesus, holy Child,
Make thee a bed, soft, undefiled,
Within my heart, that it may be
A quiet chamber kept for Thee.
My heart for very joy doth leap,
My lips no more can silence keep,
I too must sing, with joyful tongue,
That sweetest ancient cradle song,
Glory to God in highest heaven,
Who unto man His Son hath given
While angels sing with pious mirth.
A glad new year to all the earth.

Martin Luther.

Title: Can This Be Christmas?

Blessing God

by Donald Grey Barnhouse

He came up to me at the end of a sermon and shook my hand, "I can understand `God bless me,' but how can I `Bless God?'

What does it mean when we sing, `Bless the Lord, O my soul?'"

I said, "Do you have any children?" "Yes," he replied, "I have a boy who is six and a girl who is five." I asked, "At Christmas time do they ever give you a present?" "Sure," he replied." Where do they get the money," I asked. "Well, I give it to them," he chuckled.

"That's exactly it," I said, "You pay for the Christmas presents your children give you. You're so glad when they are talking about it with their mother. They are whispering secrets. They are excited that they are going to surprise daddy. Then on Christmas morning they come and say, `Daddy, here is a blessing for you.'

It ultimately came from you, but it was a blessing because it came back with their love."

When we sing, "We bless Thee, O Lord," we are praising Him with the blessings He puts in our lives.

Title: His Mother's Joy

His Mother's Joy
(John White Chadwick)

Little, I ween, did Mary guess,
As on her arm her baby lay,
What tides of joy would swell and beat,
Through ages long, on Christmas day.

And what if she had known it all,
The awful splendor of his fame?
The inmost heart of all her joy
Would still, methinks, have been the same:

The joy that every mother knows
Who feels her babe against her breast:
The voyage long is overpast,
And now is calm and peace and rest.

"Art thou the Christ?" The wonder came
As easy as her infant's breath:
But answer none. Enough for her,
That love had triumphed over death.